Once upon a time…a lesson was learned:
Never let him tell you twice that he doesn't want to be with you (even without words)!
It was an ordinary spring day. I took my usual seat on the train and before I knew it I looked discreetly to the right. I saw him. Eventually our eyes met. I swear, my heart skipped a beat. I tried with all my might to just look the opposite way, but I couldn't help myself. I was drawn to that man.
He doesn't move much, still warlike. Always looking outside of the window. Serious with the most beautiful small deep dark eyes. Perfect in all the right places, in my eyes anyway. It stunned me when he got up and left at the same stop as me. I felt something familiar.
My stomach tightened when I saw him in the exact same place the next day. As the days went by, he started to notice me. His unobtrusive and introverted kind of way made me interested in him even more. Even though I knew nothing about that man. Again…weeks, months went by and It struck me: I was completely in love with this stranger. A feeling that I kept wrapped in a soft blanket for years.
We started to exchange glances daily, and occasionally he had small interactions with me. I, the shyest person, trembled inside every time he approached me. At some point I was sure that he had feelings for me. Later on, I found out that was not true at all.
The world is small like a marble ball and I found him on a social network. Until this day, I don’t know how and why. My clumsy way made us start talking. Not for long.
He was not only handsome but had the most endearing and deep voice. I was so nervous that my brain went blank. A total fog. I don’t know what I said. But I remember when my whole body melted inside once he said that he had someone. I kept a smile on my face.
Once I left the train, I felt all the emotions: upset, mad (How could he?), sad, heartbroken. But eventually I got it. We are all made of a huge ego and I guess we fantasize with the unknown.
I try to stay away from him, but at the beginning that was not easy. I dreamt so many nights with that man and It took me sometime to just not imagine a life where we started to tell each other all of our fears and hopes.
He tried to tell me without words that I needed to move on. His eyes turned cold on me and It got to the point that I had the feeling that he deeply despised me. The more I avoided him the more we crossed paths. I gave up trying to show him that I was not a nutcase, but actually an amazing f*ck*ng person, as I am sure he is too. This world is broken and we tend to distrust people. Yet, it was only love.
So, let me tell you. Don´t let anyone say more than once that they don’t want you. Ever. Cry all you have to cry, but move on. Sometimes people don’t match with us and that’s all good. Keep in your heart that beautiful feeling of being in love…and fall out of love. And how amazing it is to feel.
Love yourself first. Always.
Someones story…
